Failed Step One
by Clxarke
Summary: A look at Magnus's thoughts throughout the events of City of Bones and Kissed (A Malec snippet). We all know what happened in these historic Malec scenes, but what was Magnus thinking during all of them? Here is a glimpse into Magnus's mind while the adventures of the Shadow World were taking place. Magnus/Alec. (Originally posted on AO3)


**A/N: Hey guys! I haven't posted in a while, but after writing this and posting it on AO3, I realised that my lovely viewers on this site would appreciate it more. I haven't written a fanfic in a while so I might be rusty, but I hope you enjoy it nonetheless!**

 **DISCLAIMER: I am not Cassie Clare. The scenes belong to her. I merely act as a vessel, sharing Magnus's inner thoughts in more detail.**

 **WARNINGS: Depictions of gore relevant to the injuries that Abbadon Inflicted on Alec in CoB. I think thats it...**

 **Enjoy! 3**

Magnus Bane knew better then to get involved with a child of the Nephilim. It was simple protocol; one of the only rules Magnus was determined to live by. He would not fall for one of the Angel's Children, for they were always going to be attractive and enticing, yet the single most unproductive waste of time if engaged in a relationship of any sort. They were scheming and conniving, their quick-witted tongue as sharp as their Seraph Blades, and, more to the point, their superiority complex would take up the entire room. If Magnus knew what was good for him, he would take no part in any Shadowhunter's affairs. It was more then a philosophy; it was common sense.

Magnus hadn't meant anything by the wink.

Of course the boy was pretty, with the unnervingly beautiful combination of blue eyes and black hair, but that was no reason for Magnus to fan himself coquettishly and swoon into the boy's marked, muscular arms. It was mere coincidence that Magnus found himself paying attention to the Nephilim's words, to the sincerity splayed behind every syllable, even as he instinctually confessed to damaging a Vampire's motorcycle.

Sure, the boy was intelligent. Many Shadowhunters are educated; whether the information they've been taught is accurate or not stands to judgment, but the boy seemed clever nonetheless. It was a bit unfair of him to have an unbalance between his cleverness and naivety, but many things are unfair when it comes to the Angel's children. The boy may have said a few genuinely humorous things, but Magnus was sure that it was a front. This child was a Lightwood after all, of all Shadowhunter families, this one must be the object of Magnus's suspicion.

Maybe, had Magnus not been under the influence of alcohol and a few otherworldly concoctions, he wouldn't have been so incautious when escorting the Nephilim out. Maybe, had the situation been different, Magnus wouldn't have taken the opportunity to express interest in the eldest Lightwood child.

With the technicolor lights shining from the inside of Magnus's apartment, illuminating the Nephilim against the dim, streetlight lit darkness, the boy had looked so ethereal, so tempting, the situation would be nearly impossible to avoid.

Sure, Magnus winked. Magnus flirted with everybody; it was more of a hobby then a compulsive act. Maybe the, " _Call me?_ " was a bit excessive, but when _wasn't_ he taking things to the extreme? It was a second nature for him to voice his interest. Magnus had learned a long time ago that concealing an expression of interest never benefited anyone. One must put themselves out in plain sight, or one would never get laid. It was a simple philosophy— about as simple as they come.

Magnus certainly hadn't expected the eldest of the four (plus rat boy) to stand there gawking at him like he was just told his pants were on fire. He definitely hadn't foreseen the absolutely unwarranted and unadulterated shock that breached the Lightwood's otherwise serious expression, nor the spluttering. Magnus would be lying if he didn't find it endearing, but it didn't stop a small pang of hurt in his heart. Had this boy never been shown the slightest interest before? Magnus wondered what Shadowhunters were up to these days; training their children to dislike themselves, yet somehow view Downworlders as lesser beings. It seemed wrong, in the vilest sense of the word.

So maybe Magnus didn't regret expressing his minor fascination with the Shadowhunter boy. Judging by the slight quirk of the boy's lips as his _Parabatai_ dragged him along, the compliment had been well received. It wasn't as if Magnus was spending the rest of the evening patting himself on the back. He actually found that he wasn't even thinking about the blue-eyed boy, that is, until his buzzer startled him out of his nightly routine.

Magnus couldn't understand his excitement when he thought the Nephilim that returned was the blue-eyed one, nor his immediate disappointment when finding out it was the snarky gold-eyed one. It wasn't as if he was attached to the eldest Lightwood child. He'd only known him a single evening; not even forty-five minutes worth of his evening, in fact. There was no logical reason to this sudden overwhelming enamorment.

None at all.

It didn't seem like much time had passed before he received another request from the Shadowhunter children. Magnus had nearly vetoed picking up his phone, but he was glad that he did.

Alexander Lightwood was dying.

What a beautiful name to apply to a beautiful face. Magnus nearly claimed that it was unfair for that to be this boy's title.

Oh how disheartened Magnus would be if that face ceased to contain emotion, or if that heart failed to contain life. There was little reason not to drop everything and rush to his aid. Magnus felt like a knight saving a damsel in distress, although, in many of Magnus's daydreams it had been Alexander doing the saving and Magnus experiencing the distress. Not that Magnus had ever spent any of his precious and valued time of day imagining the Lightwood child. That would be absolutely absurd! Preposterous even!

It might have helped that Isabelle Lightwood, the younger, had threatened to burn Magnus's apartment down, with him and his cat still inside, if he refused to cooperate. Not that Magnus needed the incentive, but he was still the tiniest bit more motivated because of it.

Magnus hadn't known what to expect when arriving at the Institute.

Seeing Alexander in that much pain was heart wrenching. He looked like a corpse, so pale and sickly that Magnus could physically see the demon poison being pumped through his darkened veins. His lips were white and tightly pressed together, and his ebony hair was plastered to his forehead with sweat, though he was using the last of his energy to shiver. The sight was nearly as unbearable as the heartbreaking cries of Isabelle at Alexander's bedside, begging Magnus to do something, _anything_.

Magnus had broken from his trance and went straight to work, mixing powders and muttering enchantments. There came a point when Magnus forced Isabelle to leave. She fought him, screaming, " _I can't leave Alec! I won't! Please, I can't just leave him! He's my brother! Magnus, please!_ " But Magnus was impatient and used an unreasonable amount of magic to get her out of the room. Even with the protective spells on the door, Magnus could still hear Isabelle's fists pounding, demanding entrance.

Free from this distraction, Magnus had turned his full, undivided attention to Alexander. Alec might have been an interest to him, but at that moment, he became Magnus's client, Magnus's patient. Magnus had analysed the damage and grimaced, realising the severity of this sting. The poison only had a few minutes left before it corrupted Alec's entire being.

That was when Magnus realised he would have to cross dimensions to heal him. There was only one way to weaken the effects of the poison, to slow them down, and it was to travel to the realm native to the creature that stung him. Magnus closed his eyes and, without hesitation, channeled his energy to the realm.

When Magnus opened his eyes he saw the swirling darkness that surrounded them. He gagged on it, but the demon part of him knew how to handle the thick fumes. He enveloped Alec in a bubble of magic, knowing the fumes would harm him even more, and immediately set to work on healing him. Magnus used every bit of his strength, focusing all of his energy and draining every last drop of his magic. When all he could possibly do was done, Magnus used power he didn't even possess to bring them back to the Institute's infirmary.

Upon their arrival Magnus promptly fainted with exhaustion.

When Magnus awoke, he found that he was lying in a cot next to that of a sleeping Alexander Lightwood, whose colour had returned. He was still in pain, Magnus could tell by the clench of his jaw while he slept, but it was nothing that time and an _Iratze_ couldn't heal. Magnus forced himself out of the bed, though his limbs were heavy with fatigue, and took a seat on the chair beside Alec's sleeping form. He reached out and grabbed Alec's hand, feeling for a pulse at first, before letting his fingers linger amongst Alec's.

Magnus was so overwhelmed with compassion and gratitude that Alec had made it, maybe more then he should have been.

Within the past few hours, Magnus had only regained a small fraction of his energy, meaning his mental clarity must be compromised. This is what he rationalised with himself to explain his sense of complete and utter joy and compassion at Alec's wellbeing.

That was when Alec's eyes fluttered open. He hissed out at the pain, his eyes squeezing tightly in response to it. It occurred to Magnus that Alec was still half asleep, still disoriented from his traumatic injury. Alec's drowsy, half lidded blue eyes searched the room before his heavy gaze landed on Magnus. It seemed that Alec was too tired to act (or even be) surprised to see him there. He met Magnus's eyes quickly and profoundly, somehow managing a look of complete and utter gratitude, before letting his eyes fall closed. The look had certainly been an accident; a mistake made by subconscious choice, but for some reason Magnus couldn't find it in him to care.

Magnus laced their fingers together, and, surprisingly, Alec's hand squeezed once. It was a subtle pressure, but it most definitely translated to, _don't leave me_. As a shock to Magnus, he realised that leaving was the last thing he wanted to do. So he stayed and watched over Alec while he slept. Magnus nearly fell asleep too, listening to Alec murmur about something green and gold, and something else too. Something about cats and the darkness at nighttime.

A few days later someone had buzzed Magnus's intercom. Magnus had been in the middle of nightly routine when he was interrupted (this seemed to be a common thread). Much to his surprise and delight, the visitor was none other then Alec Lightwood himself. Generally, Magnus wouldn't allow anyone into his apartment at this hour, but this was an exception he was willing to make.

Unlike anything Magnus had ever hoped, three impossible things happened.

1\. Alec, a Shadowhunter, a child of a prestigious Nephilim family of the New York institute, thanked him for saving his life.

2\. Alec managed to have an actual conversation with him without any interruptions or excuses that he had to leave.

3\. Alec asked him out on a date.

In response to these things, Magnus supplied his own list of impossible things.

1\. Magnus accepted this date proposal.

2\. Magnus kissed him on his way out.

Sure, Alec's list was longer, but Magnus did impossible things every day. Impossible was in his job description.

From that point on, Magnus also wanted to consider that.

1\. _Alec_ was the one who asked _him_ out.

2\. After Magnus kissed him, _he_ kissed _Magnus._

Not that Magnus was against Alec's grasp for control, on the contrary, Magnus liked it more then he was willing to admit, but Magnus was nearly shocked to silence at the position flip.

There was also, the most important thing to consider about this entire evening— the most imperative part of this whole arrangement:

11\. Chairman Meow approved of Alec.

After Alec left, Magnus needed to sit down and evaluate what had happened. Magnus's priorities, his self-control, his sanity; all compromised by this one Lightwood child. He had reminded himself over and over again how terrible of an idea this entire thing was.

There was only one thing on the step-by-step guide of how to live happily.

1\. Don't fall for a Shadowhunter.

Magnus put his head in his hands and groaned.

[Failed: Step one]

 **A/N: I really hope you guys liked it! I adore Malec, they are my all time favourite couple!**

 **Feel free to like or Review or whatever! Your response means the world to me!**


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